the sharp knife of a short life.

april 26 2010 my world was rocked, and not in a good way. a close friend of mine Ryan was killed in a motorcycle accident. he was only 18. that day i did things i never want to have to do again. telling someone that their best friend is dead, the pain and feelings that go with that are horrible. i told uncountable people that Ryan was dead. i hated it. i cried for days, and didnt sleep or eat. its all a part of grief, but i had no idea it would be that hard. Ryan's death was so unexpected, so surreal and hard to wrap my mind around.
its so hard to believe that today is the 1 year anniversary of his death. i visited his grave for the first time today. it was sad, yet i needed it. i sat there and thought about Ryan, and all the ways he impacted my life. the times we had in UTT class were so fun! he was smart and funny. i loved being paired with him for activities. i have great memories of playing "spoons" or "mau" during free period, when we were supposed to be studying! i loved every time i spent with Ryan. he was a truly awesome person. i really regret not talking to Ryan the week before he died like i waned to, i put it off and though nothing of it. now i look back and hate that i didnt ask him how he was, to have one last memory of him.

"i wanna live a life that worthy of your calling. remove all the things that hinder me from loving you because i, dont want to regret upon the day i stand before you, may i be found a pure anf spotless bride, ready for her king" RMM

my favorite thing to read is that. i read it almost everyday. ive memorized it, made it my creed almost. Ryan was such an amazing example of Christ, i want to be life that. Ryan's death impacted us all, but for the better i believe. it taught me to value our short, unpredictable lives. make the most of every moment. how many times do we say that, but dont live it? i make it a point to tell my family and friends that i love them all the time. i dont want things to go unsaid. i dont want to have any regrets with things i could have changed. theres so much more i could say, but i will leave it at this:

im so thankful that i knew Ryan, even for shot time. his death impacted my life, for a great way, im thankful for that. thank you Ryan, thank you Jesus for being mighty to save!